Colossians 3:13

 

Video –

 

Earlier Caleb had complained about all of Catherine’s faults but in his apology and asking for forgiveness he only mentions how he hurt her.

We need to learn from him – When you apologize you accept responsibility for your actions, you do not make excuses or blame the other person.

Don’t be like a politician, “If I have offended you, I am sorry.”

Don’t say, “I am sorry for how I acted, but you make me so mad.”

Don’t say, “I am sorry for what I did but you should be sorry too.”

 

Not like the game Sooooory.

 

When you are sorry and seeking forgiveness you must take responsibility for your actions and attitudes.  You are apologizing because you are sorry for what you have done.  You are not apologizing to get the other person to apologize to you for what they did.

 

Like Catherine in the movie, your spouse will have a hard time believing your repentance and sorrow.  What you are doing may not be normal, so it will take a little time to trust and understand your motives.

Caleb said he was sorry for being selfish.

I believe that is the key ingredient in making your marriage better. Apologize for your selfishness.  Selfishness is what is killing your marriage.

 

1 Corinthians 13:4  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 

Caleb’s apology was a good example of how we should apologize to our spouse and to others.

I am sorry – take responsibility.  Not I’m sorry, and your tone of voice proves your don’t really mean it.

 

I remember when the kids were little and would be mean to each other, (not my perfect kids -lol), we would make them say they were sorry for what they had done. They went through the motions even if their heart was not in it; but we have to start somewhere.  They were learning to take responsibility for their actions.

Even if our heart is not in it we still must do the right thing. But if our heart is not in it the other person will likely not accept the apology as true and sincere.  Mean it, no you hurt the person and have sorrow how you acted.

 

Caleb named how he had hurt Catherine: I trampled with words and actions, I loved other things when I should have loved you, I have asked God to forgive me and asking you to forgive me, I can’t live without you.

 

Caleb did not demand her forgiveness. I can hear you say, “You’re a Christian you have to forgive me.”

They will forgive you because they are a Christian but your attitude is not going to make it easy to love and respect you.

 

We need to learn to apologize – Just like there are 5 love languages there are 5 apology languages.

We need to speak our spouses love language and we need to learn to speak our spouses apology language.

Man, marriage is hard work. Why can’t they just accept what I give them?  Why do you have such a selfish attitude?  Why can’t you just give them what they need?

 

Your Apology Language Personal Profile – Take the quiz http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/apology/

(Apology explanation is on our app)

Accept Responsibility – “I am wrong”

Expressing Regret – “I am sorry”

Genuinely Repent – “I am taking steps to change”

Make Restitution – “I love you and I will make this right”

Request Forgiveness – “Will you forgive me”

 

Remember not to treat forgiveness lightly. It is something to be cherished and appreciated. The act of forgiveness is hard on both ends – for the person who’s asking and for the person who’s accepting.

If you are unwilling to ask for forgiveness or if you are unwilling to forgive you will destroy your marriage.

 

Not forgiving will also kill your relationship with Jesus.

You can’t hold a grudge and be in good standing with Jesus.

 

Colossians 3:12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13  Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

 

God has forgiven you – forgive others

 

Romans 5:10 For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!

 

Has someone hurt you more than you hurt God?  NO, your sin nailed Jesus to the cross.

I am not demeaning your hurt but we must put our hurt in perspective.

 

Luke 23:33 When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals–one on his right, the other on his left. 34  Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”

 

As a Christian we are to be like Christ – He forgave those who crucified Him, we must work through the process of forgiving those who have hurt us.

 

Have you hurt others? Do you want them to forgive you?  Then forgive others.  Do unto others!

 

Many times, people make conditions for forgiveness; don’t do that. Forgiveness does not have conditions.

Have you ever said anything like? When he ________, then I will forgive him.  When she finally _______, then I will forgive her.

 

Let me ask you two questions.

Is forgiveness a feeling or a deliberate decision? Does forgiveness require action?

 

Matthew 5:23 “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24  leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

 

Matthew 6:12 Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.’ 14  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

 

Forgiveness is a choice and then we must take the appropriate actions.

When we forgive others God will forgive us. Being unwilling to forgive others is telling God we don’t accept His forgiveness.

 

Have you forgiven others in the past? What did you do?  How did your feelings and actions change?

What does forgiveness look like on a day to day basis?

Depending on the severity of the offence you may need to forgive the person everyday when you wake up.  And ask God to give you strength not to hold onto any bitterness.

When you forgive, you will be free and you will be able to be a blessing to others.

How many of you know some bitter people? I will guess they do not forgive others, they hold on to the past and it is sucking the joy right out of them.

Do you want to be a bitter person and not forgiven by God?  Or do you want to be free and full of joy because of God’s peace?

It is your choice?  Forgiveness is a Choice / Bitterness is a choice

 

How can you love your spouse if you hold onto your bitterness, it is time to forgive, it is time to apologize.

It is time for you to take action not your spouse.  You do what is right and maybe, just maybe your spouse will follow your example.

But it is my spouse’s fault, if he would just change.

Haven’t you learned by now you can’t change your spouse?

Quit trying to force your spouse to change, your efforts are getting in the way of God working.  Your spouse just feels criticized, not loved or respected with all your nagging.

 

Pray for your spouse, ask God to do the transforming and you stay out of the way.

 

As the video showed Caleb apologizing and asking for forgiveness we need to also.

 

Ask God to show you what you need to apologize for.

Ask God to help you forgive your spouse when they apologize.

 

Pray and ask God to reveal anything you have done to hurt or offend your spouse. First, ask for God’s forgiveness.  Second, apologize to your spouse.  Apologize for what you did.

 

Pray and ask God to reveal anything you need to forgive. Let your spouse know that you forgive them.  It still may hurt but you forgive them.

 

Is there any way in which I can love you better?

Let your spouse be free to share hurts or suggestions.

 

Forgiveness is a must if you want to live in Heaven for Eternity.

 

Matthew 18:32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33  Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34  In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. 35  “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart.”

 

God wants to forgive you, He will forgive you but you must come to Him.

 

But if you refuse to forgive others He will not forgive you.

 

Come apologizing to God for your sins and ask for forgiveness

God is waiting with open arms to forgive you.